Manual Not Included

Puke LessonsPosted by Kara on March 5th, 2010

You read the title. So you know if you’re squeamish, now would be a good time to stop reading. That’s right, mister hair trigger gag reflex, move your mouse to the top right of your screen and click that little X-thingy. The two of you that are left, keep reading. I learned a few things overnight from about 10 o’clock pm to 5 o’clock pm the next day as Jim-Jim was puking up his guts. I don’t know if it’s useful information but it was learned that hard way, so I’m going to share.

1. I’ve heard that a house divided cannot stand. Now I know that a house with two squeamish people also cannot stand. It will not survive! I was sleeping soundly when I heard a panicked yell. I jumped out of bed and raced into Jim-Jim’s room thinking Jim had found the boy dead. That’s the level of urgency I heard in his voice. I opened the nursery door to Jim shoving a puking Jim-Jim in my face. I rushed the boy to the bathtub to help him finish, and I cleaned him up. Not long after, Jim came into the bathroom and apologetically said he needed me to clean up because he just couldn’t do it. So, I grabbed my Lysol wipes and got to scrubbing. After cleaning the room I moved on to the laundry. As I was rinsing puke from the boy’s sheets in the sink before throwing them in the washer, I heard Jim-Jim in the bathroom start up again. And then I heard Jim join him. Both of my boys were puking in the bathtub together, Jim-Jim because he was sick and Jim because Jim-Jim was sick. I don’t know what we would have done if we both couldn’t handle it. Move, maybe?
2. After going into JJ’s room 30 minutes after cleaning up the first explosion only to find him vomiting again, I decided we needed a new plan because we were fast running out of sheets. I laid on the couch, and JJ cuddled on top of me and fell asleep. I didn’t quite know how it was all going to work out, but I had a bucket ready at my side and my hand on his stomach to feel the contractions, hoping I would have enough time to get him over the bucket before the pyrotechnics started. As vomit ran down my neck and pooled behind my head, I decided I needed a new signal. That’s when I discovered JJ grinds his teeth before he blows chunks. I got so good that I could kneel him in front of the bucket before he knew it was coming. I’m sad to say, though, I had a lot of practice.
3. In the delirium that followed cleaning up puke for 19 hours, I came up with a few website names. The website would be dedicated to posts about hating vomit. I came up with:

www.partiallydigestedfruitsnacks.com
www.pukebomb.com

A fellow blogger has already taken vomitpopsicle.com, so that one’s out. Makes me wonder if she had a similar experience. What would YOU name your anti-puke website?